There’s nothing like getting dissed, and when it happens you have two or three choices. One – you can tuck your tail between your legs and go home. Two – you can talk about the disser among your circle of confidants, knowing that eventually word will get back to them. Three – you use it to propel you out of your shell and exclaim…
I’m comin’ atcha!!
Decisions… (1) I’m not good at tail tucking. (2) I’m pretty darned good at the passive-aggressive approach. (3) I’m not always confident enough to propel myself out of a funk,
but when it’s high stakes enough…
I’m comin’ atcha!!
Stay with me a moment- it gets personal but totally relates (which will hopefully be obvious by the end of this post). And aren’t our personal stories and connection to our research topics important!! I sure think so.
In 2005 I was told that I’d probably need a c-section if I decided to have more kids. I didn’t feel dissed, but sure felt alone and confused. I found a network of women who were in a similar position, and my mind was opened to the idea that doctors don’t know everything in their field. I learned that I have the right (and responsibility) to question recommendations that are made regarding my health. I began a new journey.
In 2008 after surviving several pregnancy losses, I went on the search to find a healthcare solution for my needs. I’d been told I needed clomid (ummm… don’t have trouble getting pregnant). I’d been told that I had a double uterus (nooooo, that would have been obvious during my first c-section). I’d been told that progesterone deficiency wasn’t a real thing (though I suspected this was part of my issue). I did my research, surveyed the evidence, determined what made the most sense for my body, and found solutions with a reproductive endocrinologist/surgeon in Denver. Even with him, I had to insist on less invasive measures… and thank goodness I did.
Coincidentally, that same year I attended the Summer Vocology Institute. My brain was re-turned onto science. I studied so hard that I didn’t sleep. (And my 3-year old was having a hard time, so we were all kind of miserable!) I began challenging the information I was learning in a new way . . . in an aware, yet guarded, way. I was skeptical of “science” and clinical recommendations because of my own experience, but I was so excited to be learning foundational scientific theories, laws, principles, and methods that spoke to my field. I began a new journey.
In 2011 I was told I couldn’t shouldn’t pursue a normal birth after 2 c-sections. I was abandoned, so it felt at least, by my midwife the day I ultimately went to the hospital to have my last baby. (Long side story.) But alas, my daughter arrived vaginally… my uterus didn’t rupture (was told it was too thin to withstand birth), and my large, “overdue” baby didn’t get stuck when push came to PUSHHHHHHHH (was told that my pelvis was too narrow to birth a baby vaginally).
In 2013 I presented what has turned out to be an important idea. I don’t own “evidence based” as a term or a framework, but I did present an application of the evidence-based medical (EBM) model to a group of colleagues that year. I wrote about it that year. But ultimately, it was too soon, and I guess I’m a shitty writer or something. (Hush, naughty inner voice!!!!) Don’t know, really. The article went from bad to worse and died a terrible death.
I began a new journey.
We’ve all written shitty papers or presented things that were misunderstood, right? In fact, one of my mentors said that the first paper you submit is most likely going to be the worst one you ever write. So be it. So instead of writing, I presented. I continued to push the idea forward. I didn’t feel the urge to write. I toyed with that idea in 2014, oh and again in 2015 but was too spooked to do the thing. I’ve thought about it from time to time – it’s been on that “should do” list but just couldn’t open myself up to go through the rejection again.
Today is different. Today I must write. I must share what this framework can and should do for the field of singing. I must share the limitations or blind spots that we encounter in the evidence-based framework. I must advocate for moving the model forward… challenging it and us to do better, for ourselves, for our students & colleagues, and for the
ART. SCIENCE. & DISCIPLINE.
of singing.
I begin a new journey.
Evidence Informed singing 